bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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