Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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