i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
