but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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