yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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