as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
