R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
