Sry I called you an 8
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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