He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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