maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize