You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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