thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
