took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
