it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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