I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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