Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
two words: eviction party
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
