Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
