I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize