I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
