I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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