It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's like iHOP with fire
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
