i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
