I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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