I can text with my tongue
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
