seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
