u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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