Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
