guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
