Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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