I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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