Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need water and some morals
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
