It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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