this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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