How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I lost the right to judge tonight
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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