I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
