Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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