My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
