if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
