i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
