I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
