we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
