we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
