Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
