i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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