i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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