The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
