There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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