We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
