I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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