ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
