I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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