In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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