the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
