Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
