Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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