I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
