dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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