i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
