he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize