u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
