I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
