She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
