mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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