id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
