So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
