He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you traded sex for a burrito?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
