I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
