If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
