do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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