Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
