Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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