If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
