and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
