I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
