my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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