I just saw a hot homeless man
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
