I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
