we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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