Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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