And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The air taste purple.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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