he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
