he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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