i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
