i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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