It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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