im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
