Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
