break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize