not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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